I love how the other one is like “whoop, heres my ride”
Get in, loser, we’re going mopping
what’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination?
i hate this i hate u
blue poppy additions
You know, funny story: There’s this craft store called Michaels. Look, my sister knits, and she goes to Michaels. So my sister called me and she’s like, “Oh my god, I’m at Michaels, picking up yarn. You have a poster at Michaels.” I’m like, “What?” She’s like, “There’s a poster, there’s a Falcon poster at Michaels.” I’m like, “Holy s**t!” She’s like, “I’m gonna come and pick you up, and we’re gonna see your poster in this store.” So she picks me up and we go to Michaels.
We go in, and I see the poster and I’m like, “Oh, this is….” She’s like, “I know, I know.” I said, “I’m gonna sign these posters.” I was like, “That would be amazing, you buy a poster and it’s like, actually signed by the Falcon.” Like, it would blow my mind. So I go to the front, I buy a Sharpie, I run back to the back of the store. And she’s like, “I’m gonna take a picture of you signing it.”
I’m in this store and I’m signing all the posters. The manager comes out, he’s like, “Hey, whatcha doing?” I was like, “Oh man, I’m signing these posters so when people buy ‘em, they’re signed.” He’s like, “Well, people are not gonna buy ‘em if they’re signed.” And I was like, “No, no, no, it’s cool. I’m pretty sure there won’t be a problem.” And he goes, “Yeah, but it is gonna be a problem, you’re messin’ up my inventory.” And I’m like, “No, my man, trust me. I mean, I’m the Falcon, that’s me!” And he goes, “Yeah, right. You’re gonna buy those posters.” I said, “What?” He’s like, “You’re gonna buy all those posters or I’m gonna call the police.”
He rolls up all the posters and goes to the front of the store. And I had to buy like 60 Falcon posters that I signed in Michaels.
IM FUCKING SCREAMING
IM IN FUCKING STITCHES
IT’S TOO REAL
oh my god
Imagine if people dismissed other forms of communication the way they do the internet.
“Why are you being such an asshole to me?”
“OH MY GOD THIS IS THE TELEPHONE! Stop taking it so seriously!”
whenever people say they dont like cats because they dont happily greet you at the door i give them the stinkiest eye
Convo I just had with my dad
- Dad: hey I'm gonna go grocery shopping do you need anything?
- Me: uuuhhh....
- Me: contemplates wether or not I should ask him to get me pads since I need them desperately
- Dad: anything at all?
- Me: uh... Yeah.... Can you get me some pads
- Dad: Sure
- Me: Are you serious? Wouldn't you be embarrassed?
- Dad: Natalie, I'm a 56 year old man who has been buying pads for your mother for over 20 years. No I'm not embarrassed.
- Me: But I thought guys get squirmish when we ask them to buy this stuff for us
- Dad: boys are squirmish. Men will step out and buy you as many pads and tampons as you need. A man will understand that you cannot control your cycle and that this is a natural bodily process. So, if you ever find a guy who's too embarrassed to buy you pad just bleed on everything he owns.
- Me: OMG DAD
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